I thought this was an overall fantastic paper. You were able to successfully make connections with Bruce to the articles, and your example of Joe Wong. I thought it was also a good idea to pick Bruce for your paper because again you have an already established friendship with him for many years which you state, and you both are international students from China coming to America to pursue your education. Strong evidence to back up ideas such as U.S. Census Bureau were also evident in this analysis paper. You also stated where you met him, what day, and the questions you asked him which helped the paper have strong organization.
Although most of your connections were strong, one that could have been stronger was Nabil’s 2011 article on Muslim Women that you talk about on page 4. I am not sure how Muslim Women connect to Bruce and his struggles with being a Chinese student in the United States. I would just provide a sentence or two to connect that and hence make your paper stronger. Another shortcoming i saw was the grammatical errors. I would just suggest trying to read over your paper for the errors, as well as indenting when you start a new paragraph. It is clear that you researched the topic thoroughly, and did a good job.
Your paper is substantial, informative, and well-organized overall. You include good summaries of the articles and attempt to connect each one to Bruce in some way. Like Amanda said, some of those connections are stronger than others–for example, the connection with the Nabil article could be explained more.
Right now your discussion of the articles reads somewhat like a list: Article 1 says this, Article 2 says that, etc. You could transition between articles more fluidly; you could also try to try to draw more comparisons between the different articles throughout the paper. However, I was able to follow your line of thinking easily while reading, and that’s the important thing–well done.
The only other thing I would suggest is more proofreading and editing so as to fix the spelling, grammatical, and formatting errors throughout the paper–the Writing Center can help with this.
A good paper overall that shows definite signs of hard work and research. Well done!
Sabrina, this is a good paper and your presentation was well put together. It is good that you picked not only a friend, but someone that you yourself can relate to. The interview questions were well formed so that they generated strong responses and views on American education and opportunities to be had in this country. His explanation on how there are numerous equal opportunities in the U.S. was good for it shows his determination to excel and further his language and education. Your friend Bruce seems to admire Joe Wong highly because Joe Wong went from being an immigrant, to mastering the English language, and eventually becoming not only accepted in America, but also famous for his comedic acts.
In the Maid as a Metaphor article, you explained how Chinese domestic workers are treated as low-quality employers who need to work harder than the average American worker in order to gain approval and meet requirements. This is an excellent relation to your friend Bruce; as he stated in the interviews, he feels that he needs to work harder than everyone else in order to excel in America, and this article further explains what is needed to be completed in order for people like Bruce to excel and gain a higher acceptance in the American workplace.
I understand exactly what you are trying to say in your relation to Muslim women and veils; a shortcoming of your explanation is the relationship between Bruce and Muslim women. You said that immigrant women face more discrimination in the workplace than immigrant men do, but this is not directly related to how Bruce is trying to better himself in America. Overall, this is a very good paper with strong research and a clear relation between Bruce and his goals of becoming someone like Joe Wong. Not to sound like a broken record, but as Amanda and Adam have stated, you need to double-check the grammar and spelling; utilizing Suffolk University offices like the writing center and the balotti learning center, will only help to better and improve your future grades.
Sabrina, I think your paper is very informative and easy to read. I really liked the part about your interviews with Bruce. In this part you provided a perfect overview of the Bruce’s identity as a Chinese immigrant.
I liked how you tied the persona of Joe Wong with Bruce. I found that they both have much in common. Bruce had difficulties with communicating with his American collegues and Joe in his speeches always embraces the idea of intercultural relationships. I believe that Joe Wong’s identity helped you a lot with writting this paper.
Also, I found that Sun’s and Nabil’s articles are a perfict fit for your analysis part. Especially, I liked how you aplied the ideas form Nabil’s article to Bruce.
Lastly, the peer reviewed article corresponds well with the ideas presented in your analysis paper. As you said, immigrants have to speak English in order to succeed in America. This idea helped me understand how Bruce can improve his current situation at his job. As you stated because Bruce wants to perform better at his job, he has to speak more English.
I think you did a great job on this essay Sabrina, and I really enjoy reading your paper about your friend Bruce. I think it’s a clever choice to choose Bruce as your interviewee, because you both are from China, and besides the the same language, you guys also experience the same experience of studying aboard and pursue your dream in the United State. The immigrant statistic are also helpful for me to understand how many international are there to study overseas. I also think the interview part were really good. Because you asked some very suggestive questions and they are certainly helpful for structure of your paper later on. I also found that Bruce is somewhat alike Joe Wang, because they both are Chinese immigrant and Joe Wang could potentially be a role model for Bruce. Wong is a great example to get the working visa and stay successfully in the America as well. I found you have a strong connection point in Maid as a metaphor article with Bruce here. Because Chinese must be working hard than others to be excel in the America. On the other hand, Bruce has to work extremely hard as well if he want to stay longer for the permanent visa as well. For the peer reviewed essay, it also has some great ideas about the immigrants who must speak English to excel in the workplace. Just like Bruce, who must speak very well at his current job i order to be promoted in the future. Overall, this is a very clear and informative essay, good job!
Hi, Sabrina. This analysis paper is very well organized and written. The ideas presented in a paper are concise and clear to understand.
Although I don’t know the person you interviewed at all, through your introduction in the beginning part of your paper and also the content of the interviews, I had a basic and general understanding of Bruce. Especially his reasons of why he chose to study in America rather than other countries, why he chose to study in America rather than other countries, “The quality of American education is relatively high comparing to other countries, and both American and Chinese enterprises generally give more recognition for diplomas of American university, therefore, if international students want to stay or return home after they graduated from university it is easier to get a job in America or China that is why more and more Chinese prefer to come to America.” The answer reflects a lot of Chinese Students’ thought.
I think you did a good job when are you elaborating why he wants to relate himself with Joe Wang. After your explanation, I know that it is not only because Joe’s jokes are funny, but also because he stands for a new generation of immigrants through his own experience.
Sabrina,
I thought this was an overall fantastic paper. You were able to successfully make connections with Bruce to the articles, and your example of Joe Wong. I thought it was also a good idea to pick Bruce for your paper because again you have an already established friendship with him for many years which you state, and you both are international students from China coming to America to pursue your education. Strong evidence to back up ideas such as U.S. Census Bureau were also evident in this analysis paper. You also stated where you met him, what day, and the questions you asked him which helped the paper have strong organization.
Although most of your connections were strong, one that could have been stronger was Nabil’s 2011 article on Muslim Women that you talk about on page 4. I am not sure how Muslim Women connect to Bruce and his struggles with being a Chinese student in the United States. I would just provide a sentence or two to connect that and hence make your paper stronger. Another shortcoming i saw was the grammatical errors. I would just suggest trying to read over your paper for the errors, as well as indenting when you start a new paragraph. It is clear that you researched the topic thoroughly, and did a good job.
Sabrina,
Your paper is substantial, informative, and well-organized overall. You include good summaries of the articles and attempt to connect each one to Bruce in some way. Like Amanda said, some of those connections are stronger than others–for example, the connection with the Nabil article could be explained more.
Right now your discussion of the articles reads somewhat like a list: Article 1 says this, Article 2 says that, etc. You could transition between articles more fluidly; you could also try to try to draw more comparisons between the different articles throughout the paper. However, I was able to follow your line of thinking easily while reading, and that’s the important thing–well done.
The only other thing I would suggest is more proofreading and editing so as to fix the spelling, grammatical, and formatting errors throughout the paper–the Writing Center can help with this.
A good paper overall that shows definite signs of hard work and research. Well done!
Sabrina, this is a good paper and your presentation was well put together. It is good that you picked not only a friend, but someone that you yourself can relate to. The interview questions were well formed so that they generated strong responses and views on American education and opportunities to be had in this country. His explanation on how there are numerous equal opportunities in the U.S. was good for it shows his determination to excel and further his language and education. Your friend Bruce seems to admire Joe Wong highly because Joe Wong went from being an immigrant, to mastering the English language, and eventually becoming not only accepted in America, but also famous for his comedic acts.
In the Maid as a Metaphor article, you explained how Chinese domestic workers are treated as low-quality employers who need to work harder than the average American worker in order to gain approval and meet requirements. This is an excellent relation to your friend Bruce; as he stated in the interviews, he feels that he needs to work harder than everyone else in order to excel in America, and this article further explains what is needed to be completed in order for people like Bruce to excel and gain a higher acceptance in the American workplace.
I understand exactly what you are trying to say in your relation to Muslim women and veils; a shortcoming of your explanation is the relationship between Bruce and Muslim women. You said that immigrant women face more discrimination in the workplace than immigrant men do, but this is not directly related to how Bruce is trying to better himself in America. Overall, this is a very good paper with strong research and a clear relation between Bruce and his goals of becoming someone like Joe Wong. Not to sound like a broken record, but as Amanda and Adam have stated, you need to double-check the grammar and spelling; utilizing Suffolk University offices like the writing center and the balotti learning center, will only help to better and improve your future grades.
Once again, great work!
Sabrina, I think your paper is very informative and easy to read. I really liked the part about your interviews with Bruce. In this part you provided a perfect overview of the Bruce’s identity as a Chinese immigrant.
I liked how you tied the persona of Joe Wong with Bruce. I found that they both have much in common. Bruce had difficulties with communicating with his American collegues and Joe in his speeches always embraces the idea of intercultural relationships. I believe that Joe Wong’s identity helped you a lot with writting this paper.
Also, I found that Sun’s and Nabil’s articles are a perfict fit for your analysis part. Especially, I liked how you aplied the ideas form Nabil’s article to Bruce.
Lastly, the peer reviewed article corresponds well with the ideas presented in your analysis paper. As you said, immigrants have to speak English in order to succeed in America. This idea helped me understand how Bruce can improve his current situation at his job. As you stated because Bruce wants to perform better at his job, he has to speak more English.
Overall, it is a good paper!
I think you did a great job on this essay Sabrina, and I really enjoy reading your paper about your friend Bruce. I think it’s a clever choice to choose Bruce as your interviewee, because you both are from China, and besides the the same language, you guys also experience the same experience of studying aboard and pursue your dream in the United State. The immigrant statistic are also helpful for me to understand how many international are there to study overseas. I also think the interview part were really good. Because you asked some very suggestive questions and they are certainly helpful for structure of your paper later on. I also found that Bruce is somewhat alike Joe Wang, because they both are Chinese immigrant and Joe Wang could potentially be a role model for Bruce. Wong is a great example to get the working visa and stay successfully in the America as well. I found you have a strong connection point in Maid as a metaphor article with Bruce here. Because Chinese must be working hard than others to be excel in the America. On the other hand, Bruce has to work extremely hard as well if he want to stay longer for the permanent visa as well. For the peer reviewed essay, it also has some great ideas about the immigrants who must speak English to excel in the workplace. Just like Bruce, who must speak very well at his current job i order to be promoted in the future. Overall, this is a very clear and informative essay, good job!
Hi, Sabrina. This analysis paper is very well organized and written. The ideas presented in a paper are concise and clear to understand.
Although I don’t know the person you interviewed at all, through your introduction in the beginning part of your paper and also the content of the interviews, I had a basic and general understanding of Bruce. Especially his reasons of why he chose to study in America rather than other countries, why he chose to study in America rather than other countries, “The quality of American education is relatively high comparing to other countries, and both American and Chinese enterprises generally give more recognition for diplomas of American university, therefore, if international students want to stay or return home after they graduated from university it is easier to get a job in America or China that is why more and more Chinese prefer to come to America.” The answer reflects a lot of Chinese Students’ thought.
I think you did a good job when are you elaborating why he wants to relate himself with Joe Wang. After your explanation, I know that it is not only because Joe’s jokes are funny, but also because he stands for a new generation of immigrants through his own experience.