You are not alone. While being independent is a great trait, you don’t have to complete your journey by yourself. Running, going to law school, or any journey, can be lonely at times but remember family, friends, mentors, and colleagues want you to succeed. You may be surprised to learn how many people and resources are available to you for the primary purpose of helping you, but you have to ask for help.
Find your community. If you have ever joined a gym, gone to a coffee shop, or are a member of an organization of people who share a common interest, you understand the power of community. It can increase your accountability and productivity and provide support. In addition, it can increase your enjoyment of your journey. For example, when training you can find running groups you can join, pop into a local running store and ask the knowledgeable staff your questions, or sign up for a mentor or coach. In law school, the dean of students office, the academic support faculty, the counseling office, other administrators, your professors, teaching assistants, your fellow students, employers, bar review instructors, and alumni, are all great resources for assistance.
Hesitant to ask for help? Law students may be afraid to get help for mental illness for fear it may prevent them from taking the bar exam if they are asked to disclose treatment they sought during law school. While some states include questions on their bar application pertaining to mental health, not every state includes this type of question and many state bar examiners are now doing away with mental health questions to eliminate any barrier to mental health treatment.
It takes courage to ask for help. Think of a time when you helped someone. How did it make you feel? Probably good, right? Remember that the next time you need help. Now take a minute and close your eyes and think about someone who has helped you along the way in your journey. Remember to pay it forward.
Help can come in many forms in various ways, some small and some big. It can come from strangers (who may turn out to become close friends) or loved ones. I am lucky to have supportive family and friends. My husband drove around my running routes and put out water for me, sliced oranges, and would check on me periodically to make sure I was ok during long runs. I used mailboxes at my friends’ houses to stash water on my runs. When I was training for my marathon, a friend of mine, who is an excellent runner who had run several marathons, jumped in and ran with me for a few miles during some of my long runs to break up the miles. The miles ticked away as we ran and caught up in each other’s lives. While I was not as fast a runner as she was, she reminded me that she was there for me, to help me with my pace, and was happy to run at whatever pace I wanted or could do that day.
What I like about running a race is not the running (hell no!) It is the sense of community, everyone working towards a common goal–to cross the finish line the best they can on that day. It is a great feeling to be part of something bigger than you. When waiting at the start line for the marathon I heard and saw people from all over the world, speaking in the native language of their countries, with race singlets from different charities, running groups, remembrances, and countries. Everyone embarking on that journey may have had a different reason, motivation, and inspiration for doing it; however, I gathered strength from all those around me.
When I ran the marathon I felt so supported. Once I met my fundraising goal I received a bright green tank top from the charity I was running for. A friend ironed my name on it and I wore on race day. The charity sent weekly emails with encouragement and advice. The charity had a team breakfast the day before the marathon, had a designated tent at the start line area, and had a post-race tent where volunteers from the charity met you at the finish and walked you to the tent. Even though they were strangers, I felt part of a larger community of fellow charity runners. On race day I would see another runner on my charity team with that bright green singlet the same as mine and felt like kindred spirits.
I was buoyed by the cheers of encouragement by spectators calling out my name during the marathon. Although I was running the marathon in a state I didn’t live in and didn’t know anyone, I was overcome with how much help they provided the runners. I forgot I had my name on my race singlet and when I heard them cheering me by name, I first thought there was someone famous behind me with the same name. I then would look closer and try to see if I knew the person on the route encouraging me to keep going. Then I realized they were calling out the name on my shirt to offer specific support. I felt seen, heard, and loved. I remember thinking how lucky I was. I felt like a rock star! I didn’t want it to end (well the miles I wanted to end but not the feeling of so much support). I wished everyone could have the opportunity to feel this type of support in their everyday lives when faced with a great challenge.
In law school students are often surprised when they go to their professor’s office hours to ask a question. Perhaps in a large lecture hall with the professor at the front of the room acting as a sage on the stage, students may find the professor’s persona different and be surprised at how approachable the professor now seems in a different setting. I encourage students to go to professor’s office hours, tell the professor what you have done to find the answer to a question on your own, and then ask any remaining questions that you have not been able to answer yourself. This way the professor understands you have done your due diligence and independent work to find the answer. If a law student is still hesitant to go to a professor’s office with questions, ask a teaching assistant instead as that may be a good first step in seeking help. Whatever you do, don’t sit and spin your wheels going in circles trying to find the answer. Instead, ask for help. You will be glad you did. While it may be difficult at first, it will get easier the more you do it.