The heart of your writing while sounding reasonable initially, did not really work properly with me personally after some time. Somewhere throughout the sentences you managed to make me a believer unfortunately only for a while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your jumps in logic and one would do well to fill in all those breaks. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I will certainly be impressed.
The heart of your writing while sounding reasonable initially, did not really work properly with me personally after some time. Somewhere throughout the sentences you managed to make me a believer unfortunately only for a while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your jumps in logic and one would do well to fill in all those breaks. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I will certainly be impressed.